Not so long ago, my son，Caleb asked me out of the blue “Why do people have to die”? I was quite surprised and wondered where he picked up such a morbid topic at such a young age.
“Do people go to heaven when they die?” Caleb asked. I told him “I’m not sure, but I think so.”

“Dad, when you die, you go to heaven first, then mummy dies, and she goes to heaven second, and I’ll wait for “my turn” in Singapore.” Caleb said. I tried hard not to laugh, but couldn’t quite contain myself, and said to him “Yes, I’ll go first, and hopefully, it’s heaven”.
I’m glad that he understands at this young age that his dad will have to die one day.
I have been feeling quite stressed out lately. There had been so many festivities, partying, socializing etc going on.

I remember there were mornings when I would wake up, and go “For Heaven’s sake, what the hell is happening to my life?” And then decide to take a day off, pretend that I’m going to work, and escape to somewhere quiet to contemplate on what has gone wrong with my life. Perhaps it’s just an excuse not to go to work.

Life can be tedious some times. At work, we have to be the super-worker, super-colleague (have to kiss the boss’ ass). At home, we have to be super-husband/wife/partner and (for those who have kids) super-dad/mum. In church, we have to be super-Christians or at least pretend to be spiritual.

“God, this life is tiring” we lament sometimes. Like what my mum would say when things get tough for her, “Might as well die” [Chinese version].
Ok. At this point, let me share the lyrics of a song which I am rather fond of.

It’s called,
SUPERMAN (IT’S NOT EASY)
I can’t stand to fly
I’m not that naïve
I’m just out to find
The better part of me
I’m more than a bird
I’m more than a plane
More than some pretty face beside a train
And it’s not easy to be me
I wish that I could cry
Fall upon my knees
Find a way to lie
About a home I’ll never see
It may sound absurd but don’t be naïve
Even heroes have the right to bleed
I may be disturbed but won’t you concede
Even heroes have the right to dream
And it’s not easy to be me
Up, up and away, away from me
Well, it’s alright
You can sleep sound tonight
I’m not crazy or anything
I can’t stand to fly
I’m not that naive
Men weren’t meant to ride
With clouds between their knees
I’m only a man in a silly red sheet
Digging for kryptonite on this one way street
Only a man in a funny red sheet
Looking for special things inside of me
Inside of me, inside of me
It’s not easy to be me

This song sung by pop group FIVE FOR FIGHTING was released not too long before the September 11 attack on USA in 2001. People were living life normally and never expected tragedy to strike like that. The attack took many people by surprise and woke many up from complacency, their comfort zone.

I think many of us can empathize with Superman (the human side of Superman as described above). We may not wear funny looking red hot underpants on the outside, but we sure know how it feels when we try to put up a brave front even when we cannot take it any more. He laments “Even heroes have the right to bleed.”

With work, family, “spiritual” responsibilities and all the various things which pull us in so many different directions, it seems we need to have superhuman capabilities sometimes to handle life, to keep up with our neighbors and to remain “relevant”.

It does not help when people say things like “Take it like a man”, “Don’t cry”, “Don’t’ whine”, “Don’t be a sissy”, “Don’t be chicken”. Or even in church, when people say “If you pray hard, things will be fine.”

Life is full of strife, full of responsibilities, full of things that need to be done.
When we were young, we strive to be our parents’ pet, our teachers’ pet. When we grow older, we wish to be accepted by our friends (peers), and then loved by our girl friends and boy friends.

We all desire to be appreciated and loved by someone.
We want to do more, perform better, get better marks. In church, we want to grow more spiritual, be more caring, less self-centered and more helpful.

But, the truth is, we cannot be a “hero” all the time. We fail and disappoint people around us. Other people also disappoint us. We get tired.

I remember I felt terribly depressed when my wife moved out of the house a couple of years ago. I would call it the “Incident”.

That was some time in March 2005. My mum just came back from a heart bypass operation. My wife got fed up with me and decided to move out of the house on the day my mum was discharged from the hospital.

We used to stay with my parents. And my kids were taken care of by my mum and our helper Siti as both of us were working full time. Then my mum had to go for a heart bypass.
I was terribly stressed. Stress from work, parenting, a nagging wife, a domineering mum. I started to blame my wife for everything that went wrong – that she was not taking enough care of the kids, not helping around in the house, causing so much stress for me (complaining all the time about her unhappiness and difficulty in getting along with my parents, my sister etc). I would snap at her for the slightest thing.

On the other hand, my mother was complaining to me about my wife. I was kind of stuck in between.

As the saying goes “One mountain cannot accommodate two ‘tigress’” [Chinese translation]. Mine had three, including the pain-in-the-butt sister.

For a good four months or so after the Incident, I had to straddle between my mum’s place and my wife’s place, each day after work. My kids (Caleb was about two and a half years old, and Gabriel about nine months old) could not quite figure out what was happening to mummy and daddy – always quarrelling and shouting at each other – and they were showing signs of distress (especially Caleb).

I remember the nights, when my wife did not want to see me, I would take long walks, and drown my sorrows in beer at the “beer garden” near my old house. I would sit at the beer garden for hours, trying to figure out what actually went wrong (with her, and not me).
I was, to her, a traitor, an insider for my mum.

I was quoting Bible verses to her, telling her that she should forgive and forget. I was desperate but my “preachiness” did not help very much. My wife expected a change in my attitude toward her. She wanted to be treated with respect, and not like somebody to be shoved or ordered around in the house (I don’t think I ordered her around that much though).
Anyway, as the saying goes “Hell hath no fury like a woman spurned.” She was really giving me hell.

My mum bemoaned why she had such a hard life, having to suffer with my dad, living with diabetes, then the heart bypass, then the daughter-in-law (so like that) etc. I was to my relatives an “unfilial” son. I could not even “control” my wife. How useless.
I was literally stuck in between all these. And on many occasions, I just did not want to go home after work. You know the guy thing, try to avoid confrontations. “Do not trouble trouble until trouble troubles you.”

Looking back, I’m actually quite glad that I got out of the whole situation alive. In fact, I actually learned a lot from the painful situations which my wife put me through [politically correct thing to say, at this juncture].

After the Incident, I had plenty of time and opportunities to reflect on what went wrong in my life which actually led to the Incident.

I remember I was feeling darn stressed from being a first-time husband, a first-time and then a second-time father all in a matter of three years, and having to cope with the long hours at work, and with very “colorful” family members, all wanting a piece of me. Due to stress, I became a “monster” to my wife and other people around me. I allowed stress to take the better part of me.

I was stretched to the limit, and finally snapped.
Recently, I was googling for some material for this sermon and found this article written by Professor Stephen Lim (D. Min.), Academic Dean of the Assemblies of God Theological Seminary. He wrote about suffering from this syndrome called the Superman Syndrome. He says this affliction consists of the failure to recognize our human needs and limitation, while seeking to meet the needs of others.
Stephen Lim says that “a basic symptom of the Superman Syndrome is the desire to make everyone happy. We want to live up to people’s images and expectations, however unrealistic. So we strive to meet all of their needs and find it hard to say No to any requests.” Sounds familiar?

You might ask, “What is wrong with trying to be our best? What is wrong with wanting to be more spiritual, more loving, better-performing and more useful?” I think nothing is wrong. It’s alright as long as you are able to take care of yourself without falling into guilt trips and the conflicts caused by the rat race which I often fall into.
Why we want to be Superman?

Stephen Lim says:
If strong enough, just one of these can trigger the Superman Syndrome.
SL - He says, first, the low self-esteem, which he had suffered since youth, generated two unhealthy dynamics: It created an acute need for approval, so he craved acceptance and appreciation by others, and liked to think of himself as the hero who rescued them. This sense of inferiority drove him to strive for success in order to prove to himself that he had value as a person.
I think we all do crave for acceptance and appreciation by others, whether from your partners, friends etc. Who doesn’t? We want to be someone whom others can look up to, especially to those people who are close or who matter to us.
But I think God would say “You just need to be you. You do not need to hide before me. I can see your brokenness. I do not delight in outward appearance. I look at your inner beauty. I don’t actually care how the world sees you.”
The Psalmist wrote “The (acceptable) sacrifices of God are a broken spirit, a broken and contrite heart. These, O God, You will not despise (Psalm 51:17).”
SL - Second, we may possess an erroneous (false) theology that causes us to believe that God’s servants are not to consider their own needs and wants – or at least put them too far down on the list of priorities. To attend to these, we think, would be selfish. In this kind of theology, the beautiful reality of “dying to self” becomes a matter of killing ourselves.
God knows we have limitations. We get tired, frustrated and wounded. He knows we need time out to recharge, so that we can come back refreshed and serve Him better.
SL - Compounding the syndrome is our legitimate desire for significance – wrongly pursued. The problem arises when we equate significance with outward achievement. He mistakenly thought that the more he worked and accomplished for God, the more valuable his life would be.
We cannot do everything. God does not look at how many things we have accomplished for Him or for ourselves. The world looks at our worldly achievements. God says all these worldly achievements will pass away.
SL - Finally, in some cases of the Superman Syndrome a more subtle force is the fear of dependence, which results from several childhood conditions. Some have had overly controlling or protective parents – which he experienced. As adults we fear that depending on others will lead to the further smothering of our spirits. So we decide that we do not need the nurture of others.
We sometimes find it hard to trust or depend on others. For me, I was told that I should be strong and never depend on others since young (cos’ my dad left to work overseas for a couple of years when I was quite young).
Perhaps some of you can empathize with some of the points above. I can.
But most of all, I feel it boils down to our deepest fears.

A well known psychologist, Ernest Becker wrote “The Human animal is characterized by two great fears that other animals are protected from: the fear of life and the fear of death.”
Life scares us. So does death. Failure scares us. So does success. Loneliness scares us. So does companionship. Rejection scares us. So does acceptance.
The “superman” in us is constantly nudging us to prove our worth to God. Jesus sacrificed so much for us. We should be like Him. Which is not a bad thought, itself, but too much of it leads to “performance based Christianity”. We are afraid. We might as well do something. Let adrenalin pump in you blood. Let’s forget what we are scared of. Let’s do something.
How then can we resign the role of Superman (or Superwoman) to live a more balanced and God-honoring life? Will God still love me if I stop trying so hard?

The answer is “yes”. God is a parent. We call him Abba Father or “Mummy”. Just like our two kids, nothing they do or choose not to do changes our love for them. Of course, they drive us up the wall many times. And we do get upset and angry with them, but deep down inside, we actually forgive them. [God does not need us to do anything. Instead, He says “fear not”. Remove your cape by:
SL – First - We need to recognize our human needs. Like everyone else, we get tired, frustrated and wounded. We need refreshing and renewing of mind, body and spirit. … we much need the love, support, and encouragement of family and friends. If we have difficulty seeking and accepting these, we need to discover why.
I managed to lead a more balanced life after I left my family of origin, to truly start a family of my own. I was able to enjoy more quality time with my wife and kids, rather than spend so much time and effort trying to sort out and understand the politics involved while living under the umbrella of my “old” family unit.

I am also more conscious about not taking on too much responsibility at work. There are only so many hours a day. But I do have to work on this one.

SL – Second - We need to reveal our humanness to others. By doing so, we make it harder to pretend to ourselves or others. Bill Hybels, as the pastor of a mega church, has consistently tried to be open with his staff and congregation, eliminating any pretense of perfection. Because this enables others to identify with him, it actually gives him more credibility and enhances the effectiveness of his ministry.

You know what. I think we all like to hide our weaknesses and struggles. Why show the whole world that we cannot make it? “Malu” right? Whenever my wife sensed that I am troubled and asked me to open up, I would tend to clam up and pretend everything is ok. We need to embrace our humanness and share our ups and downs with people we trust.
Third - We sow the seeds and water the plants, and leave God to take care of the growing part.

SL – We need to consciously do our best and leave the results to God. Stephen Lim relates that one of his professors at seminary shared his experience in counseling a suicidal woman for hours late into the evening. Around midnight he told her, “I’m going home and going to bed. If you’re still alive in the morning, we’ll talk some more.” Was he callous? No. He realized that he had done all he could to help, and that it was not up to him to solve everyone’s problems. The woman survived.

1 Cor. 3:7 says “So then neither he who plants is anything, nor he who waters, but only God who makes things grow.”
So now, are we all good?

We are “saved” by the blood of Christ, born again, loved and accepted by God, enjoying guidance from the Holy Spirit, no more fears, no more Superman Syndrome, all free, easy and happy?

The truth is we are not. We still have problems. We still struggle. Even the very base of our belief and faith is sometimes challenged.

There is a Korean movie called “Secret Sunshine” – it’s about a woman whose son got murdered. The woman sought comfort and peace in church. She decided to forgive the son’s killer. When she visited the prison to tell the killer that she had forgiven him, she did not expect the killer to say that he had already been forgiven. The killer said he accepted Jesus, and told her that God had already forgiven him.

Do I believe that God has taken away my sins, paid my debts completely? Yes, I do. Can I accept the truth that the same God had already forgiven my worst enemy, that injustices done to me or my loved ones are totally nullified and the debts owed to me are all written off?
My honest answer is “I don’t know. It’s still a struggle.”

One thing for sure is, we will still face many tests in our life. We will face challenges. We will be frustrated by God, by ourselves and by others.

Jesus came to the world as a helpless baby. Imagine Jesus in a diaper. Wouldn’t it be frustrating to be a baby, who could not talk, who could not walk, whose parents could not even afford proper accommodation and instead put him in a manger.

Sometimes, all we can do is lean on God and rest in his bosom as a humble child.
So, let us be bold and humble. Let God refresh you. Let life go on. God says “My yoke is easy, and my burden is light. Come to me and I’ll give you rest.” (Matt. 11:30). Amen.