Last week amidst the severe drought facing Australia, the PM John Howard, commented that Australians should pray for rain.  And in typical Aussie humour, a member of the public asked, “.. and which God should we be praying too?  The rain God? Maybe we should then be sacrificing the leader of our tribe!?”

So which God have you been praying to? Which Jesus have you been following? Over the last many Sundays we’ve heard many different takes of what Following Jesus means to different people. Sometimes I wonder if we are following the same Jesus! Or maybe Jesus is schizophrenic! 

Peter started the series telling us how his understanding of being a follower of Jesus & God has shifted and grown from a his primary school days at an AOG church to his present day at FCC --- from a largely legalistic, the Bible says so-type follower to one today, in an open-ended, ongoing and always surprising conversation with the Lord.

Gary sees being a follower and disciple of Christ as a discipline – 1. being in relationship with Jesus 2. being committed to the journey 3. building & strengthening his faith (thru the Word, life, fellowship) 4. producing results that fulfil God’s purposes (as body of Christ is united and grows in faith and love).

Anthony told us that following Christ is to be as human as He was. To question, agonise and ache like He did in the garden of Gethsamane, to plead for suffering to pass us by like He pleaded. Not to hide our insecurities or fears but to face them head on with Jesus’ courage and faith, knowing that His grace will be sufficient for us.

During Lent, Miak challenged us to be humble servants, to wash each other’s feet, but also to have the humility to allow others to serve us, which is not as easy as we think. Tuck brought home how deep and close our relationship with Jesus is as we grieved over the loss of our Beloved on Good Friday. Jorg reminded us that if we want to follow and serve Jesus, it means indeed to serve the least of our brethren, for in such persons is where we truly find Jesus. And this is exactly what Jesus asks of His followers -- to serve the least and we will have served Him.

Jean turned the tables around. Jesus said “I came, not to be served, but to serve” (Matt 20:28) So she asked, What do you want from Jesus? What are you looking for? She cited Henri Nouwen who struggled as a gay man to follow Christ in his vocation as a priest.  Deeply conflicted by his sexuality /sexual needs and his vows of celibacy, Nouwen had to first confront and be liberated from the pain of his innermost needs & desires, to struggle through the pain and anguish of that empty missing part of his life that needed to be made whole.  To finally discover no human can fill this innermost emptiness, only the all-sufficient tender embrace of our Father who embraces all of humanity in their struggles. Like the prodigal son, we just need to return home. To our true selves, to our source and maker.

Last week Foo Keong lamented that it is difficult to tell the true follower – are external signs conclusive? Adhering to the law, confessing beliefs, studying the Bible, attending cell meetings, leaders’ meetings, prayer meetings, Sunday service, even showing through action, works of our faith – helpful in our growth yes, but conclusive signs of a true and faithful follower?

The crucial distinction he rightly pointed out is a New Heart conscious of God’ grace and love, a heart at rest in the knowledge of the completed work of Jesus at the cross -- no need for struggle, just rest. I can’t see into anyone’s heart but I can see the marks of a new soft heart – love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, trustfulness, gentleness and self-control (Gal 5:22).  Of course, they hardly ever appear absolute and perfect in anyone but whatever weak signs of them are commendable for even Paul admits that he often fails to carry out the things he wants to do, and instead does the very things he hates. Our pace of growth is often slow and painstaking but I believe the Lord looks for effort put in.

So which Jesus do you follow? The disciplinarian Father & Master, the humble servant, the Lover, the rebel Jesus, the conversation partner? I really think that if we are sincere and honest in our attempt to be disciples, it doesn’t matter too much who/which Jesus we follow, because I do believe Jesus meets each one of us, right where we are, in our own uniqueness, at our own level.  So even in a diverse and messy church like ours, Jesus comes and speaks personally to each one of us, no matter our IQ, personality, temperament, theology, strength, weakness. 

Just look at the story of the calling of the first disciples in John’s gospel.

John 1:35-51 (New International Version)

 35The next day John was there again with two of his disciples. 36When he saw Jesus passing by, he said, "Look, the Lamb of God!"
 37When the two disciples heard him say this, they followed Jesus. 38Turning around, Jesus saw them following and asked, "What do you want?"
      They said, "Rabbi" (which means Teacher), "where are you staying?"
 39"Come," he replied, "and you will see."
      So they went and saw where he was staying, and spent that day with him. It was about the tenth hour.
 40Andrew, Simon Peter's brother, was one of the two who heard what John had said and who had followed Jesus. 41The first thing Andrew did was to find his brother Simon and tell him, "We have found the Messiah" (that is, the Christ). 42And he brought him to Jesus.
      Jesus looked at him and said, "You are Simon son of John. You will be called Cephas" (which, when translated, is Peter).
 43The next day Jesus decided to leave for Galilee. Finding Philip, he said to him, "Follow me."
 44Philip, like Andrew and Peter, was from the town of Bethsaida. 45Philip found Nathanael and told him, "We have found the one Moses wrote about in the Law, and about whom the prophets also wrote—Jesus of Nazareth, the son of Joseph."
 46"Nazareth! Can anything good come from there?" Nathanael asked.
      "Come and see," said Philip.
 47When Jesus saw Nathanael approaching, he said of him, "Here is a true Israelite, in whom there is nothing false."
 48"How do you know me?" Nathanael asked.
      Jesus answered, "I saw you while you were still under the fig tree before Philip called you."
 49Then Nathanael declared, "Rabbi, you are the Son of God; you are the King of Israel."
 50Jesus said, "You believe because I told you I saw you under the fig tree. You shall see greater things than that." 51He then added, "I tell you the truth, you shall see heaven open, and the angels of God ascending and descending on the Son of Man."

John and Andrew were the first two disciples that recognised Jesus as the Lamb of God that John the Baptist had talked about. And their encounter with Jesus is mysterious, almost romantic. What do you want? Where do you live? Come and see. It was about the tenth hour. John recorded the time as if to tell us that was the moment when he met and fell in love with Jesus. John, we can see from his writings is a poet, a sensitive soul and Jesus calls him on that plane.
Peter in contrast is a very different person, dramatic and impulsive. The first thing Jesus does is change his name. You are to be called Cephas meaning Rock. John & Andrew would probably have been scared off by such a dramatic encounter but it suited Peter’s personality perfectly.
Jesus’ call to Philip was a simple “follow me”. You will read from the last supper story that Philip interrupts Jesus’ talk about being one with the Father, etc which he finds too deep and confusing, by appealing to Jesus, “Lord, just let us see the Father and then we shall be satisfied. (John 14:8). So Jesus called Philip very simply, “Follow me”.
Finally Nathanael is the good Pharisee, man of the law. Jesus meets him where he is, discussing how any good can come from Nazareth and explaining the messianic hopes of the Law and the Prophets to him.
Not only does Jesus come to each of our levels, He does not coerce. John & Andrew had to decide to “come and see”. So did Peter, Phillip & Nathanael. John doesn’t show their reluctance very well. But Mark’s account highlights the first disciples’ slowness to comprehend and their hesitancy to respond totally. But Jesus was very patient with them.

So in John’s gospel we hear how John first encounters Jesus and decides to follow him. As we read on, we see John’s reflections, contemplation and imaginative thinking and begin to see how he came to understand the real meaning of following this Jesus.  And he invites all of us, who did not know the Lord in the flesh but are drawn to follow him 2007 years later, to learn from his experience – these I have recorded for you so that you may believe that Jesus is the Christ, the Son of God, and that believing you may have life.  So we learn from John, we learn from Peter, from our Peter, from Anthony, from Jean. And now we each begin to write our own “fifth gospel” the story of our own encounter and following of Jesus. As Peter said, we must continue to write scripture, tell our stories because our Father works even until now, and so must we.

When we first become followers, perhaps it is so for those baptised 3 weeks ago, its much like a honeymoon. We think we have found perfection. Like Peter who proclaims, “You are the Christ, the Son of the Living God!” and we want only for it to last forever. But truly it is only the beginning of a long journey. And I think we will all appreciate the mid-life even with its crises, much more than the honeymoon, in the end.  Look at Peter’s experience.

Matthew 16
13When Jesus came to the region of Caesarea Philippi, he asked his disciples, "Who do people say the Son of Man is?"
 14They replied, "Some say John the Baptist; others say Elijah; and still others, Jeremiah or one of the prophets."
 15"But what about you?" he asked. "Who do you say I am?"
 16Simon Peter answered, "You are the Christ, the Son of the living God."
 17Jesus replied, "Blessed are you, Simon son of Jonah, for this was not revealed to you by man, but by my Father in heaven. 18And I tell you that you are Peter, and on this rock I will build my church, and the gates of Hades will not overcome it. 19I will give you the keys of the kingdom of heaven; whatever you bind on earth will be bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth will be loosed in heaven." 20Then he warned his disciples not to tell anyone that he was the Christ.
21From that time on Jesus began to explain to his disciples that he must go to Jerusalem and suffer many things at the hands of the elders, chief priests and teachers of the law, and that he must be killed and on the third day be raised to life.
 22Peter took him aside and began to rebuke him. "Never, Lord!" he said. "This shall never happen to you!"
 23Jesus turned and said to Peter, "Get behind me, Satan! You are a stumbling block to me; you do not have in mind the things of God, but the things of men."
 24Then Jesus said to his disciples, "If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. 25For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will find it. 26What good will it be for a man if he gains the whole world, yet forfeits his soul? Or what can a man give in exchange for his soul?

Just a few verses after Jesus blesses him, “Simon, son of Jonah, you are the rock on which I will build my church…”, He tells him of his impending death, and Peter dramatic as he was, cannot imagine his hero will face humiliation & death, says “Never, Lord. This will never happen to you!” and Jesus who had just blessed him as God-inspired, says to poor Peter, “Get behind me Satan, you are an obstacle, a stumbling block”.  Peter must have been crushed but I believe like Peter, each one of us never really knows what to expect from following Jesus, what loving Jesus really entails. We are sincere but will never fully understand this mysterious one we follow. This is especially so when we encounter crises, pain and suffering during our faith journeys, and apparently receive no answers from Him – we then learn what it means to love “for better or for worse”.

Let me end by pondering this simple “Follow Me” saying in verse 24 as my contribution to this series. Jesus said to his disciples, "If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me.

Does this worry you like it does me? We each try to be a follower of Jesus, but does it feel like we deny ourselves very much? What is it that Jesus means by self-denial?

Surely, he doesn’t mean self-hatred. Just a few chapters later in Matthew’s gospel, someone asks Jesus what the greatest commandment is and Jesus says that the greatest commandment is to love God with all your heart, soul and mind, and to love your neighbour as yourself. If we don’t love ourselves, we will not then be able to love our neighbours.

Do you love yourself? Do I love myself?  Much of our spiritual journey is discovering our true selves, as Jean has preached about, who we really are beneath the surface of the person we have been taught to show the rest of the world so that we will be acceptable to other people. Much of our spiritual journey is to learn who we really are so that we can love our true selves.

OK, so self-denial doesn’t mean self-hatred.

Is self-denial then sacrifice? Once a year, during Lent the devout often deny themselves something in order to identify at least a little bit with the suffering of Christ.  But this is a temporary act in our life, not what I think Jesus meant about denying ourselves. Are we to live Lent year-round? Jesus did promise that we may have life and have it abundantly. Surely we are not meant to live as though it were Lent all of the time.

But Jesus says: “If any would be my followers, let them deny themselves…”

As we try and figure out what self-denial means maybe we should look at what he said in its entirety.  “If you want to become my followers, deny yourself and take up your cross and follow me.”

We do not deny ourselves for the sake of self-denial. We take up our cross and we follow Jesus. We often talk about crosses we have to bear, as if they were a thorn, a specific shortcoming we have, etc.  I believe here Jesus is asking us to take up a cause, a commitment which we decide that we will live and die for. So we deny ourselves and give ourselves up to something. As followers, we give ourselves to Christ. And when we give ourselves up, the funny thing is it doesn’t feel like we’ve given up something. It feels as though we have finally found ourselves. We have found life and found it more abundant. In fact, in verse 25, that’s exactly what Jesus promises.

Parents understand this concept fully. When a child is born into the family, you can be sure this is the start of parents’ denying themselves. They deny themselves time. They deny themselves money. They were deny themselves sleep. Any of you who are parents know what this is like. And yet, somehow, it doesn’t feel like self-denial. Funny thing. It feels like fulfilment.

To me there are four crosses in the world. There are four things worthy of us giving our lives to and for when we say we give ourselves to Christ. The four things are love, truth, justice, and beauty. When we take up one of these crosses and follow Jesus, we deny ourselves on behalf of love, on behalf of the pursuit of truth, on behalf of the making of justice, on behalf of the creation of beauty. We deny ourselves and devote ourselves to these things. But we also find ourselves.

This is what Jesus means, I think, when he says that those who want to save their lives will lose it. But those who lose their lives for the sake of Jesus, for the sake of God, will find life. For what will it profit us if we gain the whole world but lose love, truth, justice and beauty?

We do not deny ourselves for the sake of self-denial. We take up a cross, and we follow Jesus, and we lose ourselves. And we find ourselves.
 ---
So that’s my message this morning.  If some of you slept through it, wake up now. For I am going to end with a 30-second soundbite, a 160 character text message, for young people who only seem to have that much time –
As we seek to follow Jesus, He follows us too and comes down to our level, meets us where we are, and even if we have long given up on ourselves, Jesus is infinitely patient with us. He who began His good work in us will see that it is finished when the Day of Christ comes (Phil 1:6). What then is our responsibility? Love God. Love our neighbour as ourselves. Which means love & accept ourselves first as God loves and accepts us. Be patient with ourselves but persevere as He is patient and persevering. Then love our neighbour. Keep our eyes open to what’s happening around us, in the world yes, but also right at our very doorstep. Common sense tells us we should start with our own community or group that the Lord has placed us in. And bring the same patience, acceptance and love that God shows us, to our community dealings.  Do not seek profit or gain at the risk of losing love, truth, justice and beauty.  Follow Jesus, take up a cross, deny ourselves, and find ourselves.
Amen.